Paradox

When I read all of the stories in the Bible Paul is the person I relate to the most to.  Though it never says diretly that he suffered from anxiety and depression I believe that he did because of this verse.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10: “7 or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

When you read the above scripture the great paradox is unveiled – God’s power is made perfect is our weakness.  This verse comes to mind after I had the hardest few days I’ve had in a while.  You see like Paul, I am prone to anxiety and depression.  I have been fighting the battle of my mind for a long time.  This time, like many others in the past, I woke up with a feeling of apathy.  To me, that is the worst feeling in the world.  To top it off  I was sick.  Being home alone + apathy = not a fun time.

I went back to my Egypt which is trying to figure everything out.  I don’t go there very often anymore yet I allowed a foothold in my apathetic state.  For two days I prayed and prayed; then I listened to Christian podcasts so I would stop thinking, stop spinning and sleep.  This helped and slowly by the end of the second day I had peace.  And that night, well I slept the best I have slept in a long time.  The kind of sleep where you feel like you are in God’s hand.  You feel loved and all is right with the world.

Sometimes I wonder, why even now, now that I have been healed so much do I still have these days?  I’m going to say something I’m learning to get better at saying, “I don’t know”.  I do know that I always pull through, it was two days instead of a week this time.  I do know that it builds my faith and my character to pray through situations like this.

Between you and I, I rather not have times like this and I pray for God to take this thorn away.  I often get the answer “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  Then I think about Paul, how I’m wired and then I’m thankful for the times like this because I have no choice but to fully rely on God.  Today I am fully embracing God’s great paradox, for “when I am weak, then I am strong”.

What are some ways you can embrace God’s great paradox today?

Mary Miller

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