When I read all of the stories in the Bible Paul is the person I relate to the most to. Though it never says diretly that he suffered from anxiety and depression I believe that he did because of this verse.
2 Corinthians 12:7-10: “7 or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
When you read the above scripture the great paradox is unveiled – God’s power is made perfect is our weakness. This verse comes to mind after I had the hardest few days I’ve had in a while. You see like Paul, I am prone to anxiety and depression. I have been fighting the battle of my mind for a long time. This time, like many others in the past, I woke up with a feeling of apathy. To me, that is the worst feeling in the world. To top it off I was sick. Being home alone + apathy = not a fun time.
I went back to my Egypt which is trying to figure everything out. I don’t go there very often anymore yet I allowed a foothold in my apathetic state. For two days I prayed and prayed; then I listened to Christian podcasts so I would stop thinking, stop spinning and sleep. This helped and slowly by the end of the second day I had peace. And that night, well I slept the best I have slept in a long time. The kind of sleep where you feel like you are in God’s hand. You feel loved and all is right with the world.
Sometimes I wonder, why even now, now that I have been healed so much do I still have these days? I’m going to say something I’m learning to get better at saying, “I don’t know”. I do know that I always pull through, it was two days instead of a week this time. I do know that it builds my faith and my character to pray through situations like this.
Between you and I, I rather not have times like this and I pray for God to take this thorn away. I often get the answer “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Then I think about Paul, how I’m wired and then I’m thankful for the times like this because I have no choice but to fully rely on God. Today I am fully embracing God’s great paradox, for “when I am weak, then I am strong”.
What are some ways you can embrace God’s great paradox today?