Speechless

Lately I’ve been having conversations about daily schedules. For a while I have felt stuck. Stuck related to the flow of my day. Recently I found a morning routine that seems to work for me.  Every day I wake up at 5AM. To help me wake up I empty the dishwasher, make coffee and feed the dog. Once I’m more awake I spent time with God from around 5:30 to 6:00 AM. On Mon, Wed, Fri I work on my blog from 6:00 -7:30 AM before going to work. On Tuesday and Thursday I work out from 6:00 -7:00 AM. I love my time with God. He doesn’t follow my schedule everyday but I’m more than good with that. Though it’s often hard to explain this time to others. People ask “What do you do for that long?” When I say I spend time with God I am often asked to elaborate. So I explain that sometimes I meditate (some days falling back asleep). Sometimes I listen to Our Daily Bread or I listen to the bible or to music or I do all of these. Though every time I try to convey this special time with God it sounds churchy to me. I don’t feel that I convey the point very well…

I don’t know what to call it and find myself speechless. I just know that I need this time with God.  Some days it’s simply to pray the shortest prayer in the world “help”. Some days it’s to share my joy and wonder in Him. Some days it’s to rest my weary soul. Some days it’s to learn from Him by reading His book. Some days He gives me thoughts and I write. I have learned to come to Him without any expectations and to let Him lead. When I follow through, with that lesson, things are great and exciting because I never know what my time with Him will be like. I just know that when He leads it’s good.  I need this time not because I’m following a rule book but because I love Him. Because I need Him just like water. Without this time I am a wet noodle thrown around by my circumstances, offended by everyone and loving very few. He makes me want to be a better person to try again another day. Every morning I get to start over. That is such a gift.  How do you put this all into words? As a “thing” you do in the morning? How do you convey your own neediness without sounding “religious”? I have no idea. The closest description I have ever been able to find is in the song lyrics “More Like Falling In Love” by Jason Gray.

I need more than A truth to believe

I need a truth that lives

Moves and breathes To sweep me off my feet,

it’s gotta be

More like falling in love

Than something to believe in

More like losing my heart

Than giving my allegiance

It’s like I’m falling in love

Mary R. Miller

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s